Tying up the tongue!

In the time before Sunmica, Formica, melamine and modern laminates furniture was polished and the finish maintained with loving elbow grease, guaranteeing a patina that time could not dim. Further protection was offered by double tablecloths, trivets and of course, the ubiquitous coaster which ensured that the tell-tale circle of a wet glass did not mar(k) that which was lovingly maintained.

Beer companies (whose product was responsible to a large extent for those wet glasses) pushed their products just that little bit further by offering ‘branded’ coasters which soon turned into collectibles. Some relics survive to this day. One such coaster coached the user in the art of saying ‘Cheers’ in a variety of languages and my father was tickled pink when he found his little daughter twisting her tongue to impress the guests. The ‘trick’ soon graduated to saying ‘Good Morning’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in as many languages as possible.

Knowing so little is a dangerous thing as I was to discover in later years.

My office colleagues decided to teach me Marathi through conversation. The first phrase was, ‘Mala mythinay’ (spelt phonetically) or ‘I don’t know’. After a little practice to get the pronunciation and intonation just right, I was advised to use my knowledge whenever applicable, in order to fix the words in my mind. On my route homeward, that day, I was accosted by a family who enquired, in Marathi, where they could find Majestic Cinema. I happily responded, ‘Mala mythinay!”. When they asked the next passer-by he indicated with his thumb that we were standing right in front of their desired destination! Did I feel like a moron?!!

But I didn’t learn my lesson.

Some years later I visited Rome and soon found out that telephone calls were answered with, ‘Pronto!’ Following that oft reiterated advice - ‘when in Rome…’ - I cheerily answered the call to my hostel room with a hearty ‘Pronto’ only to be presented with a flood of fast and furious Italian. Admitting defeat, I explained that I had not understood ending with, ‘English, please.’ Dead silence. It turned out that the receptionist knew only Italian while I understood only English. Luckily for me she had called because I had a visitor who was able to sort out the problem since she was articulate in both languages. After that experience, I employed mime and gesture with much better success. The Italians are very fluent with their hands too!

Now, I stick to the language I know best and keep ‘where is the loo?’ (in the appropriate local lingo) up my sleeve for emergencies. Tying up the tongue does not make for comfortable memories.